Honoring the Journey

Honoring the Journey…

I am a process person.  I’m not always interested in the end result of an idea or a venture.  For me, the planning and executing of it is often enough.  I am satisfied with what I learn and discover as I’m piecing together the project and although I do follow through and complete most of them, there are times when the initial stages are enough to appease my soul.  Sometimes, as they say, the journey is the goal.

I’ve learned that this is what is also required for life.  I don’t always get what I want when I want it.  I may not see the light at the end of the tunnel or the perfection I crave.  I have asked for healing, and been ignored.  I’ve prayed for financial security and ended up becoming more in need.  I have begged and pleaded with God to save a loved one, only to hear a solid, resounding “no, not now, not this time.”  I can’t always (hardly ever actually) control the circumstances of my life that I’d like to control and I can never create a perfect ending to my story- mainly because my story hasn’t ended yet.

So I have to be content in whatever circumstance I am in, like Paul (Phil. 4:11).  This means I must be at peace with the journey, with wherever I am in the journey.  

My health has been a considerable factor in the quality of my life the past 4 years.  Heart disease, surgeries, weight issues, diabetes, anemia, chronic  respiratory concerns and dietary limitations have converged into an uncontrollable, on-going catastrophe that most days leaves me irritated at best, panicked at worst.  

I want it to end.  I want to be healthy and strong again.  I want to be able to trust my body and not feel betrayed by the endless symptoms that rule my life.  I want to just enjoy my life – my job, my family, my hobbies- without worry, without pain and without struggle.

But I’ve come to realize, and some days can even accept, that my new reality is this day to day battle with my body.  It may end with healing and perfect health, but more likely, I will come to a place where I feel more in control and not ruled by the limitations and misery I feel like my life is currently in.  At least, that is my hope and my dream.  Until then, I can choose to struggle against this reality, or I can rest and be content to go through the process.

I believe God has a plan.  I believe His plan is for good – to prosper and bless me.   I already HAVE prospered and I am already overwhelmingly blessed.  Just because I am struggling through a physical battle doesn’t mean He has abandoned me or taken His favor from me.  THIS is the journey He is guiding me through.  This is my journey to perfection.  “And I am confident of this very thing, that He who started this work in me will complete it. (Phil 1:6,7)”

So I am choosing from this day forward, to honor the journey.  I will embrace the peace that comes from trusting and resting in the hope of God.  I have hope in His plan, I have faith in His goodness and I am confident of His love for me.  I can’t promise to enjoy the journey, but I won’t fight it any longer.  I won’t curse my days of pain or my body’s weaknesses.  I will watch and pray, listen and respond, and move closer to perfection by the grace of Jesus day by day.